You know? That feeling when you know you are going to fail no matter what because of your mediocre performance during the interview, when you know you can actually do better but you falter and struggle to answer the question, because you totally misunderstood the question, when she actually asked such a simple question yet you stammer through and through, in front of eight panels and two other candidates?
There was one time when I was an intern, an old patient came to the clinic.
The patient complained of pain on his lower left jaw.
On examination, he had already lost all of his teeth on both upper and lower arch.
I told my teacher about it and he instructed the patient to be immediately referred and sent to the hospital.
Entering 2017 battered and broken.
Luckily I’m surrounded by my loud and boisterous family, that keeps me from crying at least.
A friend had said, my liking had became a bad habit. Waiting and trying to catch his attention which had proven futile over the years.
And a bad habit MUST be removed. No matter how painful the process is.
So, I ended up confessing for the second and last time to the same person. I did not wait for a reply, I had known the answer anyway.
I told him not to reply. It’s embarrassing enough to confess to the same person twice, it’s even more humiliating to read a rejection for the second time.
So, I blocked him on all social medias. This way, I won’t be able to wait and hope someday somehow he will notice me, because he will not be able to see any of my posts again.
This is the end.
But I didn’t.
Dreaming for the impossible.
Watching those lovebirds made me miss you even more tonight. Sigh. As silly and childish as it may seem, I do miss you, wanting to know how your life is going.
It’s been six months since I last saw any of your updates, well except the one where you lost your patient(I hope you are fine now). Sometimes, I totally forgot about you. Sometimes, I wonder how is it going over there. And sometimes I just missed you, like today.
I watched a kdrama nowadays called Jealousy Incarnate. The female lead once had 3 years long crush on the male lead. When she had moved on, it’s his turn to realized he had fell in love with her, starting his own one-sided love.
If my life is a kdrama, I would be a minor character, probably a convenient store cashier or a part-timer in a coffee shop where the male lead is a regular, having a crush on him which will never have any chance to be reciprocated.
I’m jealous of her, that woman. Pyo Na-ri.