Many things happened in my life. All good, bad and in-between. And I’ve learned a lot from those experiences.
“The future is not determined by past experiences rather what you do with those experiences will determine your future”- Ha Nora, Twenty Again.
The only thing that I failed to learn since the last decade was to let go. This experience was stuck deeply somewhere in my brain, unable to be processed and eliminated. It has became a part of my reflex, a spontaneous mechanism.
Letting go. Easier said than done.
I assisted Dr I in odontectomy of third molar on a young patient this evening.
I’m in dilemma.
I was planning to get all of my third molars removed within this month.
There are four of them.
And all of them are deeply embedded in the bone.
Now I don’t feel like getting them extracted.
Can tooth fairy give me like a thousand dollar?
I like you. I like you because you are you. I can’t give any reason for liking you except I like you. I still like you. Or maybe I still love you. Five years has passed since then but I still can’t bring myself to forget you. To stop loving you.
Tell me. What should I do? What am I supposed to do?
Back then I have always thought this feeling would eventually disappeared. I have always thought this heart can be mended. I have always thought this sweet nightmare will ended.
Sometimes I imagined my life with you. A bittersweet dream, or rather a fantasy. But in all my dreams, I was unhappy. I was in agony, because you loved lesser than me. But the worst part was in the reality; you never have the same feeling, of loving me.
Too much love is not a good amount.
A friend once said, the barrier wasn’t there at the first place, between liking and loving. That is the reason things never settled ever since. My heart never found the much needed shred of peace.
The reason I’m writing this is the same as five years ago. I never wanted anything in return. It is just enough for me to tell you how I feel. Never feel burdened by this as I have long realized your love is beyond my reach.
All I want is for you to be happy. No matter with whom you will stand with. If we ever crossed our path in the future, I hope you will never recognized me.
Take care and live well, S
Her fingers stopped before pressing the next key. Her hand slowly moved to the ‘Delete’ key, pressing it a couple of times. She moved the cursor and hit ‘Delete Draft’.