I got a job. Finally.
I’m working in a coastal town in East Malaysia. Resuming life as an anak dagang after approximately 7 and half months. Far away from my family.
I had an argument with Mak when I chose to work in this state. I know she is worried because;
1) like all mothers in the world, she’s worried the daughter is staying far away,
2) and the said daughter is moving out AGAIN after studying abroad for 6 years (plus 2 years in prep college+2 years in boarding school)
3) the daughter is still unmarried, so chances are, she has to remain there for an unknown period of time unless she resigned,
4) she really hoped I will settle down in my hometown, which I definitely will, but don’t know when.
I do feel guilty for making her worried. I have always been since I called her, crying and confessing I skipped Dental Material exam some 7 years ago. I have always feel like I’m a failure, the black sheep in the family.
Now I’m adjusting to working life and this city. So far, it’s good.
I’m hoping this new life in this new place will bring a new meaning for myself.
You know? That feeling when you know you are going to fail no matter what because of your mediocre performance during the interview, when you know you can actually do better but you falter and struggle to answer the question, because you totally misunderstood the question, when she actually asked such a simple question yet you stammer through and through, in front of eight panels and two other candidates?
There was one time when I was an intern, an old patient came to the clinic.
The patient complained of pain on his lower left jaw.
On examination, he had already lost all of his teeth on both upper and lower arch.
I told my teacher about it and he instructed the patient to be immediately referred and sent to the hospital.
Entering 2017 battered and broken.
Luckily I’m surrounded by my loud and boisterous family, that keeps me from crying at least.
A friend had said, my liking had became a bad habit. Waiting and trying to catch his attention which had proven futile over the years.
And a bad habit MUST be removed. No matter how painful the process is.
So, I ended up confessing for the second and last time to the same person. I did not wait for a reply, I had known the answer anyway.
I told him not to reply. It’s embarrassing enough to confess to the same person twice, it’s even more humiliating to read a rejection for the second time.
So, I blocked him on all social medias. This way, I won’t be able to wait and hope someday somehow he will notice me, because he will not be able to see any of my posts again.
This is the end.